To trust is new for me.
The only person I ever really trusted was Jesus. And even then ya girl struggled. Now if I had trouble trusting someone who is ultimately perfect, humans did not stand a chance, including Rico.
Recently we’ve experience an incident that brought distrust into our relationship. While Rico began to take the necessary steps to restore what was broken, I on the other hand was shocked for the first time in our marriage to not be the reason things were off. In celebration I consciously created altercations just to throw the incident back in his face. I know! Pray for me. I truly believed that because he was the one that broke our trust, he was solely responsible for repairing it.
But of course, my victory was short-lived.
I stumbled across a devotion that was about … (you guessed it), TRUST. Although the devotion spoke to trusting God to be your strength for the day, somehow Holy Spirit managed to flip that thing and reverse it and show me myself.
Trust has two components: the one trusting and the one that is being trusted. Both equally have a part to play. Its similar to the “Test of Trust” you complete in workshops that magically makes your trust issues vanish by falling into the arms of a stranger, or worse your co-worker. The person falling is expecting the person behind to catch them. And the person catching, is excepting the person falling to fall backwards. NOW! What if the person positioned to fall backwards decides to fall forward? The person who was designated to catch, are they now untrustworthy? Can the person who was designated to fall really say they have trust issues?
I couldn’t help but to identify as the person deciding to fall forward. Was I the reason why my relationship was slow in “bouncing back”? Nope, we were both responsible. EVEN in Rico’s attempt to do the right thing.
Like with the test of trust, expectations were set and we had none. I knew I couldn’t trust him with everything (it was too much too soon), but if we wanted our marriage to thrive I had to trust him with something, and he with I. It started with discussing what we wanted to trust the other person with. We made a pact to daily text one another “requests to trust” as we began to take the proper steps towards rebuilding trust in our marriage.
Examples: I want you to trust me with your insecurities | I want you to trust that I will actually replace the tissue roll and not place the new one on top of the toilet | Trust that I will put a smile on your face today | I want you to trust that I won’t utilize our joint account for my impulsive target-sprees
Discussing what we desired to be trusted with allowed us to set proper expectations and more importantly, hold one another accountable.
I was trusting him to not let me down, and in return he was trusting me not to sabotage his opportunity to show me he wouldn’t.
Kissing My [distrust] Goodbye!